I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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