I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
