I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
