Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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