I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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