So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
