I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
