I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize