Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
