Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Be still, my beating vagina.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
