What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
