I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
