So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I looked at my own cervix.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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