Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's rum buckets o'clock
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
