I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
