you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
