he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
