Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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