he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
