what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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