At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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