Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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