god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
