I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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