the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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