Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
