I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
