Moan for me like Helen Keller
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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