i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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