physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
