she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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