found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
