those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
