just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
