I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
