Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
