How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize