weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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