She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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