well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she told me i tasted like america
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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