TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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