I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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