I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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