Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
