I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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