heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
