woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
