DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
