I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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