The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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