It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
