Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
