Can i not drive my cunt home
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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