last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
