is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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