I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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