I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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