If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i barfeds in our rink
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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