Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
