3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
