shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
