I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize