Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
