yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
