From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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