so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
