Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
