guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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