you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
