you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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