Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
