Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
