i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
