Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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