hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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