I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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