Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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