you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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