i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
