it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
