I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
